Shine Not Burn Page 10
She broke eye contact with me and stared at a paperweight on my desk. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Ruby, please look at me.”
She looked at the ceiling, blinking her eyes deliberately.
“I want to know what happened.”
Shrugging, she said, “You took a long lunch with Bradley and a lot of people called in while you were gone. I took messages. I don’t know what else you want from me.” She tapped her long fingernails on the arms of the chair.
“Do you have to say his name like that? He’s my fiancé, Ruby. It hurts my feelings when you say it with such disdain.”
She wiggled around in her seat a little but didn’t respond. The fingernail tapping started again.
“I didn’t mean the messages,” I said, although that was one of the many symptoms of our problem. “I’m talking about what happened between us.”
She finally looked at me, raising a cocky eyebrow. “Us? Whatever do you mean?” Again with the innocent act.
I wanted to scream, but I restrained myself. Anger just got Ruby going even more, making her more cold-hearted toward me than usual. “I mean us. You as Ruby, me as Andie. We used to get along. I used to love working with you, and I think you used to love working with me. But for a long time now, things have been going downhill.” The tone of my voice rose up a notch. “And now they’re to the point where I almost don’t think we can work together anymore.” I gave her my best pleading look. It worked really well on juries.
Her nostrils flared, but she didn’t say a thing.
“Are you hearing me Ruby?” My heart spasmed with the pain of rejection. Ruby hated me, but I still loved and respected her. She had been so good to me once. Without her I’m not sure how I would have worked my way through learning to navigate the quagmire of civil procedure. She’s an expert in her field, and I’m not the only young lawyer who she’s helped mold into a litigating machine. But now instead of helping me, she seemed to spend every minute of her day trying to make me angry by undoing my work or making my work twice as hard as it should have been.
“Yes, I’m hearing you.” She finally looked at me. “The question is, are you hearing yourself?”
I frowned. This, I wasn’t expecting. “I think I am.”
She shrugged just the slightest bit. “I think you’re not.”
“Explain,” I said, curious.
“No, thank you.” She put her hands on the arms of the seat as if to lever herself up. “Will that be all?”
I pointed to the chair. “No. Don’t get up. I’m not done.”
“Oh, and it’s all about what you want, isn’t it?”
Now we were getting somewhere. “Not all the time, but I am the attorney and you are my assistant. What’s bothering you about our relationship?”
“If you’re talking about being your assistant, then nothing’s bothering me. Not one single thing.”
“What if I’m not talking about you being my assistant?” I was fishing now. I had no idea what she was getting at, but I damn sure wanted to find out. If I could fix whatever was broken with Ruby and me, it would turn my life into a bed of roses again, especially considering how many hours I worked in this place. Or almost a bed of roses. Yes, there would still be some thorns, but I could live with some thorns. A girl has to live with some of those if she’s going to marry a man. I’d accepted that as a simple fact of life. A necessary evil that went with being around a guy.
She clarified. “Not as your assistant? Okay then, if you’re talking about us as two women who mutually admire one another, then that’s a different story altogether. There’s plenty bothering me where that’s concerned.”
That hurt my feelings. I prided myself in my people skills. I was known as the Rainmaker at the firm, single-handedly bringing in more new clients than any other junior partner for the last two years running. Everyone liked me. I got invited to all the parties and networking events. “How so?” I asked.
“I like my job.”
I thought her response through for a few seconds, but reflecting on it didn’t help ease my confusion in the least. “What does liking your job have to do with anything?”
“It has everything to do with everything. If it hadn’t been for my need of this job, you wouldn’t have … done the things you’ve done maybe or I wouldn’t be working here anymore.”
I dropped my face into my hands, trying to keep myself from displaying the frustration that swirled around inside me. I didn’t have any idea what she was getting at, but there was no way I could let this go until I had figured it out. She was finally talking to me after more than a year of the silent treatment or sometimes even straight up disrespect. It was time to put it all to bed.
My voice came out muffled as it battled to make it through my fingers. “Please tell me what the hell you’re talking about, Ruby.”
“See, that’s one of the problems right there. Your mouth.”
“My mouth?” I lifted my head and looked at her again.
She pursed her lips and shook her head. “Hm-um. I’m not saying anything more. I need this job.”
“Are you saying that you feel like you can’t talk to me because if you do, you’ll get fired?”
She gave me a tight smile. “That’s exactly what I’m saying. See, you’re a smart girl.” She stood. “I have files to work on, so if you don’t mind…”
I was angry now. “I do mind. Sit.”
“Don’t you talk to me like that! I’m not your dog!” Her southern accent came out towards the end, the one she worked to keep out of her voice at work when surrounded by us lawyers.
I stood up, my voice louder than it should have been. “I know that, Ruby! I know you’re not my dog! I’m just asking you to sit down and have a civilized conversation with me for a change!”
The door opened and Bradley’s head popped in. “Trouble, sweetie?” he asked, not even looking at Ruby.
“No,” I waved him away, “I’m fine. Just give us a few minutes.”
“Yeah, sure,” he said stepping into the room.
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Ruby rolling her eyes.
“I just wanted to firm up our date at the country club with The Coral Group? Tomorrow at seven sharp. We can’t be late.”
“Yes, I remember. It’s in my calendar.”
“Okay, great.” He flashed me his good-job grin, the one that used to make me feel all warm inside but now just made me want to slap him. I immediately felt guilty. A girl probably shouldn’t feel that way about the man she was going to marry in just a couple weeks.
“Do you mind?” I said, trying not to sound as annoyed as I felt. “We’re having a little meeting right now. If you need to chat, I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Oh, you want me to leave?” He looked at Ruby. “What’s the matter, Rube? You screw something up again?” He gave her his best cheesy, movie-star smile. When Candice and Kelly were still talking to me, they said it was too perfect. At the time I’d argued. Now, seeing him here kind of harassing Ruby, I wasn’t so sure.
Ruby got halfway out of her seat before I intervened. “Bradley, come on, just give us a break, would you?”
He put his hands up. “Hey, it’s just a joke. Come on, ladies, lighten up.” He backed out of the room and went through the door in reverse, stopping when everything but his head was out of my office. His voice went from jocular to businesslike. “Ruby, seriously, though … let me know when she’s free so I can stop by and chat with her, would you?”
She didn’t even acknowledge him. Bradley left after winking at me, giving me a thumbs up and pointing at Ruby’s back. He probably thought I was going to fire her. To say he and Ruby do not get along would be a massive understatement.
“Okay, so where were we?” I asked.
“I was telling you I’m busy and you were excusing me from this meeting.”
“No, that’s not where we were.” I left the space behind my desk and came around to join her, taking the chair o
n her left. She turned away from me, facing the wall of bookshelves that ran next to my desk.
“Ruby, if you’re worried that being honest with me will cause you to lose your job, I want you to know that it won’t happen. I’d never let you go for being honest. Besides … the senior partners love you. You have total job protection here.”
She swiveled her head slowly in my direction. “Can I get that in writing?”
“Shit, Ruby, you know the law as well as I do. Your job is safe. Come on, talk to me.”
She sighed. “I don’t want to upset you.” Her tone wasn’t quite as harsh. It was the kindest thing she’d said to me in six months, and it gave me hope.
“Please, if it will help get us to the bottom of this mess, I don’t care. Upset me.”
She stared at me long and hard before exhaling in a really long, really sad-sounding sigh.
Just that alone made me want to cry. I almost didn’t want to hear what she had to say now, knowing she was preparing herself to deliver some very bad news.
“Okay, I’m just going to come right out and say it, because this is something you need to hear. And since you don’t talk to your friends anymore, it’s on my shoulders to do it.” She pressed her lips together and sat straighter. Then she looked at the ceiling before muttering, “Lord Jesus, please forgive me for being so bold and honest, but you know I’m doing it for the right reasons and my heart is true.”
My own heart skipped a few beats. I threw up a prayer of my own. Dear Tiny Baby Jesus, please give me the strength to not bite Ruby’s head off, because I have a feeling I’m going to want to before she’s done.
Ruby’s expression was part compassion and part anger. “You’ve changed and not for the better,” she blurted out. Her eyes went wide and she blinked a few times. A half smile moved across her lips. “Well, that just came out all bold didn’t it?” She laughed nervously. “What I mean to say is, ever since you got back from Kelly’s wedding, you’ve changed. Your whole life has changed. You stopped talking to your friends, you stopped talking to me, you took up with that Bradley…”
“There you go again … saying his name in that tone again. You know that sets my teeth on edge, Ruby.” Tiny Baby Jesus had abandoned me in my hour of need. Ruby’s head was already in danger of being removed and she’d only just begun.
She leaned in and looked me dead in the eye. “He used to set your teeth on edge. Remember that? We both hated that man.” She poked me in the arm. “Now it’s just everyone else hating him and you … sleeping with him.” Her lip curled up in disgust. “And now you’re talking about marrying him? Have you done lost your mind, baby girl? How could you do that to yourself? He’s not even close to good enough for you. He’s not even good enough to wash your car.”
I felt ashamed, angry, and sick. “I love him, Ruby.” I almost choked on the words. They didn’t want to come out.
She scowled. “Oh, fiddle sticks. You don’t love that man. You love the idea of being married to a man. Any old man will do.”
My face flushed an angry red as I sat back in a slump. “I can’t believe you’re saying these things to me. What gives you the right?”
She reached out and grabbed my wrist, pulling my hand into her lap and making me lean forward awkwardly. Her speech was passionate. “I’ll tell you what gives me the right … I care about you, Andrea Lynn. You are a good girl. You are a great lawyer and a strong woman. But that Bradley? … I’m sorry, but he just sucks the life out of you, girl. He’s got you on a leash like a tamed lap dog, and I’m not just going to sit back and let you tie yourself to him for life without knowing what you’re getting into. It’s my duty as your friend to tell you the things you need to hear. And if you want to go find yourself a new assistant, I’ll understand. But good luck finding one here. You have a reputation now, you know.” She nodded slowly, ever the wise one of the office.
I tried to pull my hand back but she held on with a grip of iron.
My tone was fury contained. “I know what I’m getting into, Ruby. I’m a grown woman.” The words tasted sour, like unripe fruit on my tongue.
“Maybe on the outside you’re full-grown, but on the inside, you’re still a young girl looking for love and taking terrible substitutes instead. Why can’t you see what I see and what Candice and Kelly see? You’re smart, you’re beautiful, you’re strong … why do you have to act so deaf, dumb and blind when it comes to men?”
I laughed bitterly. “Wow. A veritable trifecta of awfulness. A hat trick of sucking. Thank you for that.”
“No.” She shook her finger in my face. “No, ma’am, you are not going to play that game with me.”
“What game?” The guilt was almost overwhelming; she’d busted me attempting to use my litigation skills on her - a friend, a woman I respected. I was desperate not to hear her truths.
“You know what I’m talking about. That game you play. Where you go all cold and calculating and do the things that Bradley taught you. He is a bad influence, Andie. A very bad influence. He’s changed you into a cold person who doesn’t care about other people’s feelings. You don’t even know what’s important anymore.” Her expression and tone went a little desperate. “Can’t you feel it? I know you can’t see it, but can’t you at least feel it?”
I yanked my hand away. “I know what’s important. I’ve had a carefully crafted lifeplan guiding my actions since I was fifteen: go to college, go to law school, make partner, get married, have children. It’s absolutely normal and fine. All those things are important and valuable to any sane person. It makes complete sense on paper.”
Ruby cringed. “Do you hear yourself? Your life cannot be written out on paper! People with hearts and brains don’t function like that!”
I stood up. “Of course I hear myself! I’m proud of what I’m saying and what I’m doing and have done! I’m the youngest junior partner this firm has ever had. I’m the rainmaker for Chrissake!”
She shook her head in disappointment. “No. You are a girl who’s lost her way. A snake in the grass hissing a lot of new dirty words she learned from another snake in the grass.” She snorted in disgust. “That Bradley, he is the King Cobra of snakes.” She stood up and turned her back on me to walk to the door. Just before she left my office, she blasted me with her parting shots. “Maybe before you say, ‘I do’ to the King Cobra, you should ask yourself these questions: why did all your friends - all those good girls - abandon you? Why are you more alone now than you’ve ever been before? Shouldn’t you be full of joy and sharing that joy with others when you’re about to be married, instead of making up a guest list full of strangers?” She shook her head. “Your marriage is going to be more like a funeral, and I for one am not going to be a part of it.”
The door shut behind her, and I stood there in the middle of my office with tears coursing down my cheeks. I hadn’t wanted to listen to any of that garbage. I’d just wanted to know why she was doing such a horrible job as my assistant and why she’d stopped being my friend. Instead I’d gotten a pile of shit dumped on my head and my heart cracked in two.
I shoved the chairs back into position, ignoring the fact that the legs weren’t put back in the indentations of the carpet they always rested in. Making my way around the desk, I shook my head in disgust. Ruby was so full of shit. Bradley had done nothing but advance my career and my stature at the firm. We joined the country club together and played tennis every weekend with other couples. We ate out all the time and even talked about moving in together before the wedding. I’d held off for some stupid reason, but now I couldn’t remember why. Bradley was the only one who got my lifeplan and was totally on board with it. He’s just like me: organized, driven, smart. We both know what we want and we’re not afraid to go after it. Too bad for the rest of the world. If they don’t understand the value of planning and drive, screw them. I didn’t need anyone or anything but Bradley and the firm.
I ignored the physical pains that sliced through my chest at that thought.
“Yes?” I said, cold pride filling my voice.
“Line three is for you. Someone from the courthouse.”
“Who is it, Ruby?” I asked, instantly irritated. She had a hell of a lot of nerve giving me one of her bullshit call transfers after our little discussion. She knew at a bare minimum I needed a name, a department, and case file reference. Jesus, what is her damn problem?
Ruby’s voice was so calm, so casual, it was as if we hadn’t just had a come-to-Jesus meeting two minutes before. “I don’t know who it is,” she said. “Someone from the marriage license division.”
“Oh.” I frowned, the wind going completely out of my sails. “Why would they be calling me now? My appointment to pick up the license isn’t until later this week. They never do things that fast or ahead of time.”
Ruby just breathed in her handset.
“Put them through,” I said, giving up on having a civil conversation with her.
I waited for the call to connect, my mind racing with questions. Bradley was in charge of arranging the catering, and I was in charge of the legalities and the band. Our guest list was mostly our top-value clients and fellow employees, so that meant there could be no skimping and no mistakes. If I didn’t get that license in time, we’d be totally screwed. Nothing could be rescheduled without losing a lot of money and causing a lot of headaches.
The connection clicked through. “Hello, this is Andy Marks. How may I help you?”
“Hi, Ms. Marks, this is Latisha. You the one who applied for a marriage license? Annnnndrea … uh … Marks. Sorry, I can’t really read your writing. You really should write neater on these forms.”