Melancholia Read online

  Contents

  Title page

  Copyright

  Other Books by Elle Casey

  Dedication

  Chapter One: Rae

  Chapter Two: Malcolm

  Chapter Three: Rae

  Chapter Four: Malcolm

  Chapter Five: Rae

  Chapter Six: Malcolm

  Chapter Seven: Rae

  Chapter Eight: Malcolm

  Chapter Nine: Rae

  Chapter Ten: Malcolm

  Chapter Eleven: Rae

  Chapter Twelve: Malcolm

  Chapter Thirteen: Rae

  Chapter Fourteen: Malcolm

  Chapter Fifteen: Rae

  Chapter Sixteen: Malcolm

  Chapter Seventeen: Rae

  Chapter Eighteen: Malcolm

  Chapter Nineteen: Rae

  Chapter Twenty: Malcolm

  Chapter Twenty-One: Rae

  Chapter Twenty-Two: Malcolm

  Chapter Twenty-Three: Rae

  Chapter Twenty-Four: Malcolm

  Chapter Twenty-Five: Rae

  Chapter Twenty-Six: Malcolm

  Chapter Twenty-Seven: Rae

  Chapter Twenty-Eight: Malcolm

  Chapter Twenty-Nine: Rae

  Chapter Thirty: Malcolm

  Chapter Thirty-One: Rae

  Chapter Thirty-Two: Malcolm

  Chapter Thirty-Three: Rae

  Chapter Thirty-Four: Malcolm

  Chapter Thirty-Five: Rae

  Chapter Thirty-Six: Malcolm

  Chapter Thirty-Seven: Rae

  Chapter Thirty-Eight: Malcolm

  Chapter Thirty-Nine: Rae

  Chapter Forty: Malcolm

  Chapter Forty-One: Rae

  Chapter Forty-Two: Malcolm

  Chapter Forty-Three: Rae

  Chapter Forty-Four: Malcolm

  Chapter Forty-Five: Rae

  Chapter Forty-Six: Malcolm

  Chapter Forty-Seven: Rae

  Chapter Forty-Eight: Malcolm

  Chapter Forty-Nine: Rae

  Chapter Fifty: Malcolm

  Chapter Fifty-One: Rae

  Chapter Fifty-Two: Malcolm

  Chapter Fifty-Three: Rae

  Chapter Fifty-Four: Malcolm

  Chapter Fifty-Five: Rae

  Chapter Fifty-Six: Malcolm

  Chapter Fifty-Seven: Rae

  Other Books by Elle Casey

  About the Author

  Acknowledgments

  Duality

  Volume II

  Euphoria

  By Elle Casey

  COPYRIGHT NOTICE

  © 2013 Elle Casey, all rights reserved, worldwide. No part of this ebook may be reproduced, uploaded to the Internet, or copied without author permission. The author respectfully asks that you please support artistic expression and help promote anti-piracy efforts by purchasing a copy of this ebook at the author authorized online outlet that serves your country.

  Elle Casey thanks you deeply for your understanding and support. Remember: piracy hurts everyone, writers and readers both.

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  Other Books by Elle Casey

  War of the Fae: Book One, The Changelings - FREE!

  War of the Fae: Book Two, Call to Arms

  War of the Fae: Book Three, Darkness & Light

  War of the Fae: Book Four, New World Order

  Clash of the Otherworlds: Book 1, After the Fall

  Clash of the Otherworlds: Book 2, Between the Realms

  Clash of the Otherworlds: Book 3, Portal Guardians

  Apocalypsis: Book 1, Kahayatle

  Apocalypsis: Book 2, Warpaint

  Apocalypsis: Book 3, Exodus

  Apocalypsis: Book 4, Haven

  Duality, Volume I, Melancholia

  Duality, Volume II, Euphoria

  My Vampire Summer

  My Vampire Fall (Coming Soon)

  Wrecked

  Reckless

  Aces High

  (co-written with Jason Brant)

  DEDICATION

  To Monie.

  My little Influencer puppy, who makes me happy every day with her antics and joie de vivre.

  Chapter One: Rae

  MALCOLM AND I MOVED APART when Jasmine came back down the hall. As his hands slid away from mine I experienced a sense of loss that was much greater than it should have been, making me wonder if this is how Rainbows feel when I leave them behind. It was weird to think that I was the Rainbow now. I could only hope that Malcolm wouldn’t grow to hate them like I always did.

  “Here you go,” Jasmine said, coming into the room and tossing me some pajamas consisting of a t-shirt and a pair of flannel shorts. I caught them and put them on the bed. “They’re not sexy, but they work. Malcolm, you good with your man-jammies?” She pointed to his jeans.

  “Yeah, I’ll just wear my clothes. No big deal.”

  “Good. So, my parents will be home tomorrow afternoon. They said for us to just chill until they get here. They also said if things get hairy we should head downstairs.”

  “Hairy?” I asked. A chill brushed across my arms, making me want to hug myself to get warm. I resisted the urge. Jasmine was being so brave, I figured I should try to have some courage myself.

  “You know … parents coming over, cops, nutty chem teachers, dumbass kidnapper jocks, that kind of thing.” She was all business, even though she was talking about ridiculous stuff that shouldn’t have been happening to us.

  “Where is it?” asked Malcolm. “The panic room or whatever?”

  “Under your feet.”

  “I mean, how do we get into it?”

  Just hearing him ask the question made me feel safer, like he was ready to get us there if he needed to. The idea of going into a room like that because we were being hunted down by parents or cops or mentally deranged people was kind of blowing my mind, making me feel helpless. I never considered that leaving my parents one day was going to involve this kind of craziness. I always figured I’d just get on a bus and ride until the end of the line or something, fade out into the country somewhere. It all sounded very romantic at the time I’d been thinking it, but now it seemed not only naive but just plain stupid. I had about enough money to buy a bus ticket to the next town over. That’s it.

  My heart sank as reality seeped in. This night at Jasmine’s was going to be a temporary pause in what would end up being another move to another town, I just knew it. The idea of leaving Malcolm behind made me sick to my stomach. I wanted to grab him and hug him to me hard, but I didn’t. I just stared at the floor.

  “The panic room door location is need to know information, and right now you don’t have the need. Don’t worry. If the time comes, I’ll get you down there. I’ve practiced a zillion times.” She backed out of the room, stopping in the doorway. “You guys need anything else?”

  “Toothpaste?” I asked, feeling like a serious pain in the butt.

  “In the bathroom, right hand drawer. And you’ll find new toothbrushes under the sink.”

  “I don’t want to be too much trouble. I can use my finger.”

  “Ew. Please. Use a toothbrush. I have to share the bathroom, and germs and I don’t get along very well.” Jasmine turned to go, hesitating a few steps out into the hallway. “You guys are going to be fine. My parents will help you, I know they will.”

  “Thanks, Jazzy,” I said. “It means a lot, that you’d help us like this when you could get in trouble over it.”

  “Ha! I laugh at trouble. Trouble is my bitch. Now go to sleep. We have a big day of doing nothing ahead of us tomorrow. And I have to warn you … there could be Kootch and Ding Dongs involved, so we all need a good night’s sleep for that train wreck.” Jasmine left
us alone in the room, closing her door down the hall behind her.

  I looked at the clothes on the bed and then at Malcolm. “I guess this is it, then.”

  “This is what?”

  “This is where we finally find out if we can break away.”

  “Not live the same old lives. Day after day,” he said, his voice soft.

  “Week after week,” I added.

  We smiled at each other. My lips trembled a bit.

  “Scared?” he asked, reaching up and taking my arm in a soft grip.

  “Yeah. Scared as hell. My parents … you don’t know … they’re freaks. And I have no money saved. Not enough, anyway.”

  “At least you have parents and a little money.”

  I immediately felt like a complete jerk. “I know. I’m lucky. Sorry, that was really insensitive.” Here I am complaining about parents to a kid whose mother killed herself and father drank himself into oblivion. Shoot me now.

  He shrugged, letting my arm go. “No big deal. I can see how people suffocating you and being paranoid all the time would be annoying.” He looked around the room, avoiding eye contact with me.

  Searching for a way to get past the embarrassed silence, I moved behind an old-fashioned privacy screen divider that was in the corner of the room, taking the pajamas with me. “It’s not just that. It’s … I can’t even touch them without it causing problems, but they’re always trying to touch me, so it’s like we play this game of tag or something. They’re always It and I’m always the one trying to get away. I think they come in and touch me when I’m asleep, and I know they sleep on my floor sometimes, too.” I took off my clothes while I talked, pulling the pajamas on when I was in my underwear. The t-shirt was well-worn and smelled of fabric softener. It was so normal it seemed abnormal. Everything in my world was upside down.

  “That’s creepy. They actually kind of stalk you at home.” I could tell from the sound of his voice he was facing the door.

  “Yeah.” I sighed, feeling guilty that I was talking this way about my parents, even though it was all a hundred percent true. “And I’ve never known if they actually love me or are just addicted to me. I think that’s the worst part. It makes me hate them sometimes, and then I feel like crap for thinking like that.” I stepped out from behind the divider, feeling self-conscious about exposing so much skin in clothes that weren’t meant to be seen by anyone outside of the house.

  We stood on opposite sides of the room, looking at the double bed between us. My face heated up as I imagined being in it with him. I didn’t know if it was something he wanted, but a part of me wished we could just get in there together and cling to each other all night. I was so scared right now, and being near Malcolm made me feel stronger. For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel totally alone, and I didn’t want the feeling to go away.

  He broke the weird mood by getting down on his knees and looking under the bed. A few seconds later, he grunted as he pulled on something. I walked over and got down next to him, helping him get the trundle bed from underneath. It was a twin size with a regular mattress on it.

  “So how does this thing work?” he asked, studying it as he stood.

  “I think you can just leave it like this, but some of them pop up to be higher with a little lever underneath.”

  He grabbed the sheets off the top and shook one out. We did the team effort thing and got them put on. I took the extra blanket off my bed and put it on his.

  “There you go. Bed, sweet bed,” I said, trying to sound cheerful.

  Malcolm just stared at it.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, wondering why he had that look on his face, like he was trying to figure something out or memorize it, maybe.

  “I was just thinking how nice it is. Usually my beds are kind of crappy.” He sighed heavily and then seemed to perk up a little. “I’ll go brush my teeth and stuff and then you can have the bathroom … unless you want to go first.”

  “No, go ahead.” I climbed onto my bed and laid on my back, staring at the ceiling. “I’ll wait.”

  After he left the room, I looked down at his bed, sadness bringing on the melancholy. My beds had always been top-of-the-line. When I was little they were fit for a princess with canopies and drapes and fluffy pink lacy pillows. Now it was luxury all the way for me with Egyptian cotton sheets in huge thread counts and silky to the touch, velvet spreads with hand embroidery. It was so unfair that my life had been about privilege and Malcolm’s had been about doing without. We were opposites in every way, even how we’d been brought up. And yet, neither of us is happy. Does that mean that happiness lies somewhere in the middle? In not having everything but not having nothing either? I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, trying to block out all the confusion. It seemed like the more information I got, the more questions it ended up generating.

  Being in the dark sucked, but being in the dark alone sucked more. I released the tension in my face and smiled, thinking about the concept of no longer being alone as I stumbled around in the not-knowing. Maybe I was being crazy, but it sure seemed a lot more appealing than doing what I’d been doing for the last seventeen years.

  Malcolm came back into the room. “Your turn.”

  I went to the bathroom and took a little extra time brushing my hair with Jasmine’s brush, taking care of my teeth, and removing my makeup with soap and water. I was a little nervous about Malcolm seeing me without mascara and eyeliner, but considering everything we were dealing with, it was kind of a minor concern. If he doesn’t like me without makeup, then screw him anyway. I smiled at myself in the mirror, pretending to be brave. I can do this. I can sleep in the same room as a guy, and I can run away from my parents.

  My face fell. I knew I wasn’t going to sleep or be able to run away. It was all just a stupid fantasy. Bravery, it seems, was a fleeting thing for me. I only had it when surrounded by brave people. Borrowed courage. How lame.

  I made my way back to the bedroom and walked around the trundle bed where Malcolm lay on his back, his eyes closed. Climbing into the bigger bed from the bottom, I tried to ignore the butterflies that were having a dance party in my stomach. I’d never in my life felt so out of my element.

  Chapter Two: Malcolm

  THIS WHOLE THING WAS NUTS. I’d just met Rae today and now I was staying the night in some girl’s house and hiding from the cops, Rae’s parents, and who knows what else, wondering if I was going to see the inside of a real panic room. And not because it’s a cool thing to check out, but because I’m hiding from insane people.

  Crazy. Ridiculous. Did someone drug me at that party? Am I hallucinating this whole thing? The solid bed under my back said otherwise.

  I heard Rae coming out of the bathroom, so I closed my eyes and pretended to be sleeping. I couldn’t think of anything else to do. It’s not like I was going to tell her what was on my mind - that I’d rather be up in that big bed with her than on this one. Seeing her in those pajamas had made me start thinking about how soft her skin is and how good she’d felt in my arms at the party. I could picture almost perfectly how it would feel to have our bodies all wrapped around each other, to have her beneath me. Warm. Her body pressing against mine.

  My brain was short-circuiting with the conflicting thoughts and emotions crashing into each other. One minute I was getting all hot, and the next wanting to punch myself in the face for having the world’s stupidest ideas.

  We were here for one night only and then we’d be gone. Separate ways forever. Her parents would take her away and maybe even change her name. That would be the end before we even started. So why start when the finish line is already here in front of us?

  All day I’ve been telling myself she’s wrong for me, that I should let her go and keep her safe by staying away. But maybe Jasmine was right. What she said makes sense. Maybe Rae and I belong together. Maybe she’s that yin thing and I’m the yang thing, and together we can have something we’d never have alone. Shouldn’t I make our one and only night together s
omething to remember?

  I rolled over so I could rein in my runaway thoughts. Doing anything with Rae tonight would be a huge mistake. I already had too many regrets for things I’d done or not done when I should have. The list didn’t need to be any longer. And what possible good could come from being beside her in bed for one night? Nothing. Just a tease. A taste of a banquet I’d never be able to eat. I’d been starving for so long, the pit in my stomach felt normal, so why feed it now? Keeping things the same was much easier than trying to change them and failing. Time to just go to sleep and wait for this to all be over tomorrow.

  I don’t know how long I laid there trying to sleep, maybe it was ten minutes or maybe a whole hour, but regardless, I was instantly wide awake when the doorbell rang.

  Rae sat up suddenly. “What was that?” she whispered loudly.

  “The doorbell,” I whispered back, sitting up too. I spun around so my feet were on the floor, my knees up by my chest.

  It came again. Ding-dong.

  I stood next to the bed, wondering if I should go answer it or wake Jasmine up.

  “What should we do?” Rae asked, dropping her legs over the side of the bed behind me, putting her feet on the mattress I’d been lying on.

  Jasmine stuck her head in the room. “I’m going to the front door. You stay here. Not a word, okay?”

  I nodded, and watched the door shut behind her retreating form.

  “Who do you think it is?” asked Rae even softer.

  “Shhh. Try to listen,” I said, walking to the door and pressing my ear up against it. I couldn’t hear a thing until I cracked it open just the tiniest bit. I could barely make out Jasmine’s voice. She sounded like an adult. An adult lawyer.

  “Officers, just stand there for a second so I can read you something … here we go … a-hem … I’m reading to you out of the Butts Family Standard Operations Manual, the BUFSOM, outlining the SOPs - that’s standard operating procedures - to be used in the Butts residence. This one is for confronting law enforcement professionals at the front door.”